


I Still Love You

by angstcentral



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alpha Lexa, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Break Up, Consensual Underage Sex, F/F, Heartbreak, Jealous Clarke, Jealous Lexa, Knotting, Lexa is not in control of her alpha, Loss of Virginity, Minor Violence, Omega Clarke, Post-Break Up, Protective Lexa, Ruts & Heats, Sad Lexa, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-23
Updated: 2017-08-01
Packaged: 2018-10-23 04:32:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,692
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10712250
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angstcentral/pseuds/angstcentral
Summary: Lexa broke up with Clarke, leaving them both heartbroken. Clarke leaves for the summer and comes back just in time for the start of a new school year. Tensions rise when these exes come face to face again. Will Lexa realize her mistake before it's too late?





	1. Chapter 1

The party is blasting music. Lexa is drunk and dancing with her best friend Lincoln. She needs an escape. She hiccups loudly and chuckles. She misses Clarke. Her omega.

Her and Clarke were dating for a year. They were perfect. Until Lexa broke up with Clarke two months ago.

It’s the last part of the summer. Clarke is going to be a junior this upcoming year and Lexa will be a senior. It’s a big deal. She will be getting away from this shitty place. Lexa only came to the party to see a glimpse of Clarke. 

Lexa hasn’t been herself since she went through her first rut a few months ago. Alphas first rut usually happens anywhere from 17-27. The stronger the alpha, the sooner the rut. A few weeks after Lexa turned 17 she had her first rut. Doctors say that alphas are especially moody during their first year following the rut. 

Lexa has been snapping at Clarke a lot. She’s just been on edge lately. She’s stressed about football scholarships. She needs to get out of this town. She refuses to be like her parents.

Clarke deserves better than her anyway. Clarke is amazing. Lately, Lexa has been getting more and more stressed out about scholarships and work. She barely has time for the omega. Clarke doesn’t pressure her to spend more time with her. She’s really understanding actually, but that just frustrates Lexa even more.

She’ll never stop loving Clarke. Clarke is it for her. She ended things because she had to. She’s not herself lately and she doesn’t want to take it out on Clarke. That’s why she ended things. 

“Look, it’s your girl.” Lincoln slurs out, pointing to the front door.

Lexa eagerly looks over and sees Clarke. Her heart starts beating fast. The omega looks beautiful as always. She’s perfect. Lexa just wants to run in her arms. But she can’t. She ended things and now she has to deal with the consequences.

“She’s not my girl anymore.” Lexa mumbles sadly. “I need another drink.”

Lexa heads to the kitchen and starts mixing herself a drink when she gets a sniff of Clarke. Her cock twitches slightly and her heart melts. Clarke is in the kitchen with her.

“Hi Lexa.” Clarke says softly. Lexa spins around and sees the blonde awkwardly standing on the other side of the empty kitchen.

“Hey.” Lexa replies eagerly. She clears her throat and tries to calm herself down. “How was Greece?” 

After Lexa broke up with Clarke, the omega was completely devastated. Octavia, Clarke’s best friend, asked Clarke if she wanted to come with her to Greece to stay with Octavia’s grandparents for the summer. Clarke agreed, wanting to get away from Polis and the heartbreak she’s felt here.

“It was amazing.” Clarke beams slightly before clearing her throat and looking away awkwardly. “How was your summer?”

“Oh good. I worked at the pool for most of it. Hungout with Lincoln and Bell a lot.” Lexa mumbles. Clarke just nods. The pair stand in silence.

“Would you like a drink?” Lexa blurts out. Clarke looks apprehensive.

“Okay yeah. Thank you.” Clarke says formally. Lexa nods and gets to work making Clarke a drink. They feel distance and awkward. It breaks both of their hearts. Lexa can tell Clarke has built up a wall. She doesn’t blame her, but it hurts like a bitch.

“Here you go.” Lexa whispers out, handing Clarke her drink. Their hands touch a little and it takes them both a back a bit. 

“I better get going. Octavia’s cousin just moved to the states and I promised to stick with her at the party.” Clarke explains and Lexa nods, sad that the first conversation she has had with Clarke in months is ending.

“I’ll see you around Clarke.” Lexa says sadly.

“Yeah...around.” Clarke scoffs bitterly, shaking her head before walking away. Lexa hangs her head in guilt.

+++

Lexa finds out that Octavia’s cousin’s name is Raven. She’s tanner than Octavia and her eyes are big pools of brown. She’s very pretty and there’s no use denying that.

She’s going to be a senior this year, meaning she will be in most of Lexa’s classes. She’s an alpha. And she is into Lexa’s ex girlfriend, a fact which infuriates Lexa to no end.

She knows she has no right to be jealous but it doesn’t change the fact that she is.

Clarke sits with Raven the whole night. They talk and laugh and it makes Lexa’s blood boil.

Lexa shakes her head and goes to pee later in the night. The bathroom is upstairs through Monty’s bedroom. She hears Clarke’s voice in the dark bedroom and then Raven’s. She listens for a second.

“Raven..I’m sorry I know we had something in Greece...but it’s not fair to Lexa...” Clarke says. Lexa overhears and her alpha wants to growl out in agony. Clarke was with this Raven person. Did they sleep together? The thought tears Lexa’s heart to shreds.

“Lexa ended things with you, Clarke. You’re allowed to move on.” Raven says sincerely. “Listen..I said I would wait for you and I meant it. I don’t want to be just your summer fling, your rebound. I want more..and as long as I know there’s a chance that you want more too, I’ll wait.”

Lexa is blind with rage. Her alpha is chomping to break free and pummel this alpha who wants her omega. But Clarke isn’t her omega anymore and that’s Lexa’s fault.

“I don’t know what I want. Greece was amazing. But seeing Lexa..” Clarke deflates, shaking her head. “It’s hard Rae. She’s my first love.”

It breaks Lexa’s heart to hear Clarke so sad, so defeated because of her. But Clarke still loves her. She didn’t say Lexa ‘was’ her first love, she said she ‘is’ her first love. 

“I won’t push you. We can just be friends and if you change your mind, I’ll be here.” Raven says softly. 

“I’m glad to have meet you, Raven Reyes.” Clarke murmurs. 

Lexa hears some movement and peers in the room to see what’s happening. It’s dark but she can see Clarke and Raven hugging. Her alpha can’t take it anymore and growls loud. The two girls jump apart.

Lexa’s eyes are red. Raven growls back. Clarke is shaking. Omegas can’t handle all the vicious pheromones that Raven and Lexa are throwing at each other.

“Clarke, I’m so sorry.” Lexa hurries to Clarke and picks her up off the floor. “I didn’t mean to react that way. I just..I saw you two together and my alpha sort of took over.” Lexa hurriedly apologizes.

“You have no right.” Clarke says slowly. Lexa bites her lip. 

“Clarke..please…”

“No. Just no Lexa! You broke my heart.” Clarke’s last few words are broken.

“Clarke..”

“I gave you everything. I shared parts of me that I’ve never shared with anyone and I’m not just talking about the physical.” Lexa winces at Clarke’s words. Each word is like a stab to the gut.

“You ended things and walked away. You left me.” Clarke’s bottom lip is trembling. “And yet, I still love you.”

Lexa gasps.

“But I guess love isn’t enough.” Clarke shakes her head and runs out of the room. 

“Clarke wait!” Lexa goes to chase after her but Raven growls.

“Don’t chase her.” Raven snaps out. “She’s running away for a reason. Give her space.”

Lexa clenches her jaw. She doesn’t like this alpha one bit. But this Raven alpha does seem to have Clarke’s best interest at heart.

Raven leaves the room and Lexa is left alone in the dark. All she wants to say to Clarke is:

_I still love you too._


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa makes a decision on whether or not she should try to win Clarke back. Flashback to angry alpha Lexa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning : Some violence. Flashback of Lexa freaking out, accidentally hurting Clarke a bit in the process.

Lexa walks out of the bedroom and heads straight to Bellamy and Lincoln. They are laughing and playing flip cup with some other boys from the football team.

"Did you know?" Lexa growls out. Bellamy looks confused. But Lincoln looks guilty and knowing.

"Lex, listen.." Lincoln sighs out.

"You knew Clarke was hooking up with that Reyes alpha." Lexa grits through her tear. She shakes her head and starts to walk away. Lincoln walks after her and gently grabs her arm. He pulls her into an empty room.

"Lexa, why would I tell you?" Lincoln asks softly. "Did you really want to know?"

Lexa sighs out, rubbing her eyes. "I don't know. I just feel so blindsided." Lexa mumbles. "I don't like to think about Clarke with others."

"Exactly. It would have been torture to know she was in another country hooking up with some alpha. You've been trying to control your inner alpha all summer. This would have been a major setback. I had no idea Raven was moving to the states or else I would have told you." Lincoln explains and Lexa just sighs.

"I..it's my fault Clarke is seeing someone else. I pushed her away. I broke up with her and broke her heart. She can do whatever she wants with anyone. It's all my fault." Lexa whispers out, tears springing from her eyes.

"Lex..I know you think you did the right thing by ending things with Clarke. But you're both clearly hurting. Maybe it's done more harm then good, yeah?" Lincoln tries.

"I'm protecting her. I refuse to put her in danger. It's unacceptable."

"Lexa, she understood.."

"I hurt her Lincoln! I'll never forgive myself for it." Lexa mumbles, thinking back to that horrible day.

+++

_Three Months Ago_

"Lex! Calm down!" Clarke calls out desperately. Lexa is growling viciously at some big 300 pound of all muscle alpha. Bellamy and Lincoln are barely able to hold her back.

They are at Clarke's house for a party after exams finished for the year. It's late and everyone is drunk. Some alpha named Pike, a junior at the local college, stopped by with some of his Arkers crew. Pike starts hitting on Clarke in the kitchen but the blonde omega politely asks him to stop and walks away. The alpha is clearly drunk, stumbling and following Clarke into the living room where Lexa was.

He grabs Clarke's arm and pulls her close, screaming out that he could 'fuck the blonde omega with sweet tits better than her alpha bitch.' Lexa goes wild and turns around with feral eyes. She charges at the alpha before Bellamy and Lincoln could even react. She pummels his ass in two seconds flat. He's on the floor bleeding profusely from his probably broken nose.

"I could give a flying fuck about what you say about me, you little shit, but NEVER say a word about Clarke. I'll kill you!" Lexa growls out as Bellamy and Lincoln pulls her away. 

Clarke hurries in Lexa's line of vision, cupping her cheeks.

"Clarke, stay back. She's not in control of herself right now." Bellamy says seriously.

"She won't hurt me." Clarke yells back.

"Lex, baby. I'm safe. Look at me, I'm okay." Clarke speaks softly. Lexa growls at her aggressively.

"Get. Out. Of. My. Way." Lexa grits out.

"Lexa.." Clarke gasps out. Lexa keeps growling. 

"I love you baby. I need you to calm down." Clarke says softly but Lexa keeps struggling.

"Let go of me." Lexa growls loud at Bell and Lincoln, struggling in their hold.

"Let her go. And everyone else out of my house now!" Clarke screams out. Everyone who is left in the house quickly hurries out. Pike's friends carry him out, apologizing for his behavior. The only people left at Lexa, Lincoln, Bellamy, and Clarke.

"Clarke, we can't leave you alone with her." Bellamy says seriously.

"Yes you can. She's my alpha." Clarke says firmly. Lexa is like an animal who has been locked up and starved for years. Her blood is pumping and her alpha is raging. White hot rage blinds her logic ad common sense.

"Mine." Lexa growls out.

"Yes. Yours." Clarke says shakily, tilting her head in submission in an effort to calm her alpha.

"Leave guys. Now." Clarke says and the guys hesitantly remove their hold on Lexa. Lexa immediately runs into Clarke's arms, growling and sniffing Clarke's neck. She pushes Clarke into a nearby wall with sheer force and Clarke winces out in pain. Lexa's alpha just needs to be close to her omega. She needs to smell her and know she's safe. She doesn't even realize her strength in that moment.

"Fuck." Lincoln hurries over to pull Lexa off of Clarke. Lexa growls loud and Clarke begins to cry. She can't take the pheromones that Lexa is unknowingly pumping out. Her omega just can't handle it.

"I'm fine Linc." Clarke croaks out. "She just needs to smell me and see I'm safe and hers"

"You're hurt and crying Clarke!" Bellamy growls out. 

"I'm fine Bell! You're just upsetting her more. Leave now." Clarke growls out. Bellamy's eyes widen. Omegas rarely growls. The boys leave hesitantly, closing the door behind them. 

Lexa can barely form words. Her alpha is in full control.

"Mine." Lexa whimpers out, still growling quietly.

"Yours." Clarke whispers. Lexa's grip tightens on Clarke's waist, surely causing bruises. Clarke whimpers out in slight pain.

"Lexa, you're hurting me baby." Clarke whimpers out. Lexa whines out, relaxing her grip.

"Mine." Lexa whines out. Her heart rate slowing down slightly.

Lexa starts kissing Clarke's neck. "Mine." Lexa removes her lips from Clarke's neck and starts passionately kissing Clarke's lips. Lexa grabs the back of Clarke's legs and lowers them to the floor. Lexa gets on top of Clarke and starts grinding into her, her member hardening slightly.

"Lexa, we need to talk." Clarke mumbles between kisses. It's not that she minds kissing Lexa. Clarke would gladly continue kissing Lexa. But Lexa obviously isn't okay right now. Lexa growls while grinding harder. "Lexa, stop now." Clarke says firmly. Lexa whines but still herself, respecting Clarke's wishes. Her breathing is heavy and her eyes are still red.

"Come back to me baby." Clarke whispers, cupping Lexa's cheeks. She pulls Lexa in for a chaste kiss and wipes away Lexa's new tears. Lexa growls slightly and shuts her eyes tightly. "I love you." Clarke hums and Lexa opens her eyes slowly, back to their emerald shade.

"Clarke." Lexa sobs out. "I'm so sorry." Lexa collapses into Clarke's arms. "I'm so sorry."

"Shh it's okay baby." Clarke says softly, rubbing Lexa's back. "You're okay."

But Lexa wasn't okay. And she wouldn't be okay for a long while. Lexa made a promise to herself that night. She would never let her herself being taken over by her alpha again.

+++

"You didn't mean to hurt her Lexa." Lincoln says. "Alphas during the year following their first rut are crazy. You just had your rut two weeks before that event. You know the first month is always the worse. You are doing so much better now."

"It's no excuse!" Lexa growls out. 

"Lexa, you know Clarke never blamed you." Lincoln starts off.

"I blame myself. It wasn't even just that night. The weeks following that I just wasn't myself. I was possessive and jealous and angry all the time. It wasn't fair to Clarke." Lexa says.

"Alphas rarely go through ruts this young. You know as well as I do that the younger the alpha is when they go through rut, the harder it is to control and the stronger you are. Lexa, you are probably the strongest alpha in the next few states." Lincoln explains.

"Clarke shouldn't have to deal with my bullshit." Lexa says stubbornly.

"You're hurting her more by staying away. She loves you. You're her alpha." Lincoln says softly.

"Not anymore! She went through her first heat this summer, you know. She turned 16 in late June." Lexa says quietly. Omegas go through their first heat when they turn 16. Omegas usually have their heats under control by the time alphas get their first rut around 25.

"Don't think about that Lexa." Lincoln says firmly. Lincoln is an alpha. He understands what Lexa is saying.

"Do you think that they.." Lexa trails off, wiping her few tears.

"I honestly don't know Lex. Octavia didn't tell me anything about that." Lincoln responds truthfully. "Look, you need to decide what you want. You can either move on or fight for her. And when I say fight, I don't mean challenge Raven. I mean that you will have to earn Clarke's trust and love back. But make your decision soon. It's not healthy for either of you to string this along. You both deserve better." Lincoln responds gently.

Lexa swallows heavy and thinks of the first time her and Clarke kissed. She had already taken Clarke on two unofficial dates. Lexa wasn't sure if they were just hanging out or if they were dates. So Lexa decided after dropping Clarke home one night to kiss her. The kiss was sweet and innocent. Lexa later found out that it was Clarke's first kiss. Lexa has never felt butterflies about anyone like she has with Clarke. And the butterflies have never stopped and never will.

She's been so selfish. She's been horrible. But she's been trying so hard to get better so that one day, she might be better for Clarke. She's even been seeing a therapist who specializes in helping newly transitioned alphas manage their anger and rage. She needs to be better for Clarke. 

"I love her." Lexa says, her voice cracking.

"Then you know what you have to do." Lincoln says gently.

"Yeah." Lexa says. sniffling back her tears. "I'm going to fight for her."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lexa isn't perfect. In my story, alphas are wild the first month after their first rut. A lot of them have to go through intensive therapy to control their inner alpha, especially the younger ones. 
> 
> Lexa has a lot to work on. Clarke isn't so perfect either. Nobody is perfect.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ontari makes an appearance and messes things up more than they already were. Three week time jump.

It's the first day of school. It's been three days since the party and Lexa has been eager to reach out to Clarke. Lexa is packing her books away in her locker when she smells a very specific beta approaching. Ontari.

"Well Lexa Woods, you certainly smell delicious." Ontari purrs out. "Even for a little beta like me." She says seductively. Lexa rolls her eyes.

"I'm not interested, Ontari." Lexa responds simply, putting the rest of her books away. This is not how she wants to start off the year.

"Oh now don't lie. I still remember when you were a little alpha pup." Ontari chuckles. "You were so excited. I hope you can last longer this time around."

"There won't be a 'this' time. I just told you I'm not interested." Lexa says, growing annoyed. 

"Fine. Fine. You know where to find me when you change your mind. I heard newly transitioned alphas are a bit sex crazed. I'd love to see how much you've improved since our time together." Ontari winks and walks off. Lexa slams her locker shut, growling slightly. Ontari is pushing her. Lexa takes a few deep breaths, trying to control her anger.

Her and Ontari slept together her sophomore year. She hadn't met Clarke yet. Clarke was a freshman back then. Her and Lexa didn't meet until a little less than a year later. They met when Lincoln and Octavia started dating. 

Ontari approached her after football practice one day. Ontari is a cheerleader. It was totally cliche. But the beta was attractive and she asked Lexa out on a date. Lexa agreed and they went on two dates before climbing in Ontari's backseat. Lexa lost her virginity to her. They slept together three times after that until Lexa ended it. She didn't have feelings for Ontari and she didn't want to continue sleeping with someone she barely knew. Ontari didn't really care, moving on to hook up with football player Roan.

Sex with Ontari was okay. But making love to Clarke was amazing. Lexa felt like one with the omega whenever they had sex, like they were connected. They waited about seven months before having sex. When her and Clarke finally made love, it was intimate and loving. It was perfect. Lexa wishes Clarke was her first and only.

Lexa feels her cock twitch a little from thinking about her and Clarke having sex. Ontari is right. Newly transitioned alphas have higher sex drives than normal alphas, who have high sex drives to begin with. Lexa hasn't had sex since her last time with Clarke two months ago. It's been insanely hard, literally. But she doesn't have any desire to be with anyone else. Her alpha, however, wants to bed every good smelling omega it sniffs. She's refuses to do so, however. She loves Clarke.

"Whoa Lex, you're pumping out some serious horny pheromones." Bellamy chuckles. Lexa's cheeks grow red and her eyes widen. "Got the hots for Ontari again?" Bellamy teases. 

"Fuck! I didn't..I mean I didn't mean to.." Lexa stutters. She wasn't even thinking about Ontari. She was thinking about Clarke. Clarke and her supple breasts. Clarke's beautiful lips wrapped around her..

Lexa hears a locker slam loudly. Lexa turns around and sees a fuming Clarke. Clarke shakes her head and storms out. Fuck, she must have heard what Bellamy said and assumed Lexa is aroused from Ontari. That couldn't be farther from the truth, however.

"Clarke! Clarke, wait!" Lexa calls out, following Clarke into the bathroom. "Clarke, listen to me." Lexa mumbles softly. "Please."

"So I see you and Ontari are.. _reacquainted_.” Clarke mumbles out defeatedely.

“No! Clarke, no. I haven't been with anyone else since our breakup and I have no plans to.” Lexa says sincerely. Clarke looks up at her with a facial expression mixed with surprise and guilt.

“Why? We are done. You can do whatever you want now. You're free.. isn't that what you wanted?” Clarke says sadly, looking at the ground.

“No.. it's not.” Lexa says slowly. “I made a mistake when I ended things with you. I-”

“Lexa..” Clarke sighs out, her voice exhausted. “You broke me. We can't just come back from that. Despite everything, my heart still belongs to you. I still love you. So please stop torturing me with this back and forth. Just being in your presence but not _being with_ you, kills me. I'm sorry but I just can't be alone with you for awhile it's too hard. Once my heart has healed, maybe we can be friends. Just give me time.” Clarke says sadly before shaking her head and walking away.

But Lexa doesn't want to give Clarke time. She wants to be with her omega. The time for selfishness has passed, however. Lexa will respect Clarke’s wishes for space...for now.

+++

 _Three Weeks Later_

Lexa hasn't seen Clarke for three whole weeks except for quick glances in the hallway. They are in separate grades so they don't have any classes together. Lately, whenever their friend group is together, Clarke isn't there. Lexa wants to reach out but she also doesn't want to disrespect the omega's wishes.

“All I'm saying is that you really should let loose. You're so wound up.” Lincoln says to Lexa as they get undressed in the locker room.

“I'm fine.” Lexa grits out. 

“Dude, you almost ripped Roan’s head off back there.” Lincoln says.

That's because he made a really shitty play!” Lexa growls out, sweat beading down her face.

“Lexa, you're an alpha. A newly transitioned alpha. You really should…”

“If I were to do that, I would lose any chance with Clarke I may have.” Lexa grits through her teeth.

“Your therapist even suggested you shouldn't fight your urge to have consensual sex. Lexa, the doctors said that the first year after transition is like a constant rut when you transition this early. Lexa, you're special. There's only been a handful of cases in the past decade where alphas have transitioned so young. Not to mention, your second rut is coming up in a few weeks right? You know you won't be able to exercise your way through that right?” Lincoln says softly.

“I'm so tired of fighting this, Lincoln.” Lexa mutters sadly. “I'm always angry. And everytime I smell omega, my alpha wants to knot them. But my head and my heart only want Clarke.” 

“Talk to Clarke. She still loves you and you still love her. Explain to her that you made a mistake.” Lincoln says.

“I tried! She told me she needed space to move on.” Lexa growls out bitterly. “She's even been skipping out on our group hangouts to avoid me.”

“Quite frankly, you haven't tried hard enough. Did you think she was just going to run back in your arms? You need to show her that she can trust you again. And she's not avoiding you Lex. She's just been busy with..um with…school.” Lincoln coughs, trying to cover his slip up.

“You weren't going to say school. What were you going to say Lincoln?!” Lexa loudly growls out.

“She's been busy with Raven.” Lincoln says softly and Lexa growls out loud and fierce, her wolf in agony. “It's not like that between them anymore. They are just friends. Octavia told me so.” 

“Are you sure?” Lexa asks with watery eyes.

“Yes. Clarke told Raven that she couldn't offer her anything but friendship at this point so there's no use in waiting around. I'm not sure if Raven is still trying to get with her though. All I know is that they aren't together and haven't hooked up since Greece.” Lincoln says sincerely. “Go get your girl back. You still have a chance. Don't waste it.”

Lexa hopes that Lincoln is still right. She hopes that she has a chance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alphas in this fic usually transition around 25-27. The stronger alphas transition around 22-24. The insanely strong ones transition around 19-21. It's almost unheard of for them to transition before that. Lexa could potentially be the strongest alpha of her generation. And with that comes a lot of hormones and stuff that she's having trouble controlling. We will soon see flashbacks of her time with Clarke during her first rut and before the break up.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa reconnect.

Lexa decides to go to Clarke's house after school on Friday. She wants to talk to the omega desperately. She misses her so.

Clarke opens the door in a sports bra and tight workout shorts. She’s sweaty from a workout. 

“Lexa?” Clarke asks breathlessly. Lexa immediately thinks back to when Clarke used to be breathless from being fucked so good by her. Lexa’s pants feel tight. Clarke’s large breasts are on full display as the omega sucks in a deep breath. The sweat trickles down her chest and Lexa groans. Clarke smells so fucking good. 

“Clarke..” Lexa’s voice sounds like a moan. “I came to talk.”

“Yeah well I’m not interested.” Clarke says shakily, noticing Lexa’s aroused pheromones. Clarke is still an omega. Lexa smells amazing. She can feel her clit tingle a little. Clarke readjusts her standing position, rubbing her legs together slightly. Lexa of course notices.

“I think you are.” Lexa croaks out, smelling the arousal Clarke is experiencing too.

“What do you want Lexa?!” Clarke snaps out.

“I..I miss you Clarke.” Lexa says softly.

“A little late for that.” Clarke mumbles.

“It doesn’t have to be.” Lexa says sadly. Clarke huffs and reluctantly steps aside, letting Lexa in.

“I’m just letting you inside because I don’t want you stinking up my whole block with your pheromones.” Clarke sighs out. “Sit down. I’ll get you a glass of water. You look like you need it.”

Lexa gulps as Clarke sways into the kitchen. Lexa shamelessly stares at Clarke’s generous backside. Lexa can remember all the times she squeezed Clarke’s ass as the blonde grinded down on her dick..on this very couch actually. Lexa’s erection only gets harder. She fixes her pants a little but her bulge is obvious.

“Here.” Clarke says shakily, handing the glass of water to Lexa.

“Thanks.” Lexa takes a massive gulp of the drink before putting the glass down.

“Clarke..I still want to be with you. I miss you so fucking much. I thought I was doing the right thing by ending things with you. But I was just being a selfish prick. I..I lo-”

“Don’t you dare say it!” Clarke shouts out. “Goddamnit Lexa!” Clarke shakes her head and moves to go upstairs. Lexa leaps off the couch, following her upstairs.

“Clarke, will you wait one second so I can explain?!” Lexa desperately begs. Clarke whips her head around, right before she reaches her stairs.

“Explain what?! Explain how you broke my heart.” Clarke pokes Lexa’s chest hard. “Explain how I cried myself to sleep for months.” She pokes her again, pushing Lexa slightly back. “Explain how my heart still cries out for you.” Clarke pokes her again. Lexa’s back is pressed against the wall now. “Explain how you left me! You left me after you promised you would always be here.”

Tears stream down both their faces. “I’m so sorry. I was so scared that I was going to hurt you again like I did that one night. I was so afraid and all I wanted to do was protect you. I was your alpha and I promised myself I would do anything to protect you, even if I had to protect you against me. I love you. I love you so much even if I haven’t been the best at showing it. I’m in love with you and I’ll never stop loving you.” Lexa cups Clarke’s cheeks, wiping her tears away with the pads of her thumbs. 

“You’re an idiot, Lexa Woods.” Clarke sobs out. Their foreheads are pressing together. “If I kiss you, it doesn’t mean I forgive you. It doesn’t mean we are back together. It doesn’t mean we are okay.” Clarke says shakily. Her omega is calling out for Lexa and she isn’t sure if either of them can stop what’s about to so obviously happen.

“I understand.” Lexa growls out before firmly pressing her lips to Clarke’s. Clarke immediately lets out a sinful moan and Lexa growls out in desire. Lexa sloppily and desperately kisses her before switching positions with Clarke pressed firmly against the wall.

“Is Abby home?” Lexa mumbles out between kisses.

“When is she ever home?” Clarke replies breathlessly. Abby isn’t around much..at all really. She’s obsessed with her work and her boyfriend Marcus. The days that she’s off from the hospital, she stays over Marcus’ house. Clarke’s dad Jake died when she was 8 years old from a heart attack. The family never recovered from the loss.

Lexa nods and kisses her soundly. She quickly grabs her by the upper thighs and carries her upstairs to the omega’s room. She gently throws Clarke on the bed and climbs on top of her eagerly. 

Her alpha is singing right now. Her alpha has been begging to break free and now Lexa finally is letting it take over. She’s giving in. But she loves Clarke. She knows Clarke said this doesn’t mean anything. But it means so much to Lexa.

Lexa pulls Clarke’s sports bra off and tight shorts in a matter of seconds. Lexa’s eyes are completely darkened with lust. The explosion of pheromones that both girls are giving off is intense.

Clarke is completely naked and open for her. Lexa growls out, barely holding in the ‘Mine’ about to leave her lips. She knows Clarke isn’t ‘hers’ anymore. She’s not Clarke’s anymore either. The thought sends pains through her chest.

Lexa’s mouth flies to one of Clarke’s nipples, hardening and pink. “Oh Lex.” Clarke moans out, her hands in Lexa’s wild frizzy brown curls. Lexa needily sucks and kisses. Her erection is so hard it hurts. 

Lexa wants to savor this moment but she desperately needs release. It’s been too long.

Clarke tugs at the hem of Lexa’s shirt and Lexa immediately pulls it over her head. Lexa takes off her pants along with her underwear. Clarke moans when she sees Lexa’s cock out, erect and proud. 

“Fuck Clarke. I won’t last long.” Lexa moans out, loving the feeling of Clarke’s hot sweaty naked skin on her own.

“It’s okay. We can go again.” Clarke says and Lexa growls out in arousal.

Lexa’s shaky hand slides down Clarke’s tummy down to the omega’s trimmed blonde curls. Lexa parts Clarke’s folds, groaning when she feels Clarke’s wetness grace her nimble fingers.

“Umph..oh god!” Clarke moans out while throwing her head back in ecstasy. She has never been more turned on then when she’s in Lexa’s arms.

Lexa pushes one finger inside Clarke, growling when she feels Clarke’s walls already fluttering around her finger. “Don’t come yet.” Lexa growls out. Clarke mewls at the soft demand of her alpha. Clarke loves when Lexa gets dominant.

“Give me more then.” Clarke groans out, turned on and fucking horny as hell from all the pheromones that Lexa is pumping out.

Lexa pulls her finger out and puts it in her mouth. Lexa moans at the taste. “I’ve missed how good you taste.” Lexa sighs out happily.

Lexa kisses Clarke passionately before aligning her member to Clarke’s wet and wanting entrance. Clarke locks her legs around her ex’s firm ass as Lexa starts to push in, some of her dick sliding inside in one thrust. Both girls gasp at the sensation.

“Wait fuck…we forgot a condom.” Clarke moans out, pushing lightly on Lexa’s upper chest.

“Shit, I’m sorry. I just got so into it.” Lexa apologizes immediately, regrettably pulling out of Clarke’s warm walls.

“It’s okay. I forgot about it too.” Clarke says, calming her breathing down. “Do you have a condom?”

“Umm I mean I do in my car.” Lexa mumbles awkwardly. “Not on me though. I didn’t think we would be doing..well this.” Lexa motioned between the two of them.

“I have some in my top drawer.” Clarke says and Lexa’s eyes widen. Lexa can’t help it when a small jealous growl escapes her mouth. Clarke’s hands starting running up and down Lexa’s naked back, instantly soothing the alpha slightly.

“Hey hey relax, they’re from when we were still together. I never bothered throwing them away.” Clarke explains gently. Lexa nuzzles into her neck and purrs softly.

“I’m sorry for growling. I just get so jealous when I think about you with others. I know I have no right.” Lexa mumbles out. Clarke tenses slightly.

“You’re right. You don’t have any right.” Clarke says a little distant. Lexa nods sadly. Clarke pulls their foreheads together. “But I understand.” Clarke grabs Lexa’s chin and presses their lips together softly.

Their kisses are softer now. Dare Lexa says it, there is love in each gentle press of lips to skin. Things get heated and when moans and pheromones start to fill the air again, Lexa grabs a condom from Clarke’s drawer and places it on her dick.

Lexa pumps her hips tenderly and slowly, savoring watching her dick disappearing inside Clarke. Clarke moans softly as Lexa thrusts into her. The blonde’s eyes are shut tight, enjoying the pleasure besieging her body. Lexa refuses to shut her eyes though, relishing in this moment. She’s making love to her Clarke again. Even though Clarke can’t promise her a tomorrow, Lexa is living in the right now.

Lexa’s hand slides down past Clarke’s belly again and softly rubs Clarke’s clit. Clarke cries out in desperation. She’s close and so is Lexa.

Lexa grabs the omega by the hips and starts to pick up the pace. Soon enough she’s rutting into the omega. The headboard slams repeatedly into the wall as Lexa thrusts into the screaming moaning girl underneath her.

“Fuck..fuck fuck!” Lexa groans out. Lexa can feel Clarke’s walls starting to flutter and suck in Lexa’s dick deeper in its walls.

“Oh yes. Fuck don’t stop! Don’t ever stop! Oh my fucking-” Clarke’s back arches and her mouth forms the cutest little ‘o’ shape. She scratches down Lexa’s back as she orgasms hard.

Lexa speeds up her thrusts impossibly faster. She’s biting her lip to the point where it might bleed. The alpha knows she’s about to come and she wants to enjoy every last second of it. A few seconds later, Lexa growls loudly while exploding into the condom.

Once both their orgasms subside, Lexa pulls out and throws the condom away. She isn’t sure if Clarke wants to cuddle. She’s assuming the omega would be against the idea since Clarke already told her they still aren’t okay. What was this then?

Lexa starts to awkwardly collect her clothes, unsure if she should get back into bed. Clarke, noticing Lexa’s awkwardness, chimes in.

“Just get back in bed and take a nap with me.” Clarke says nonchalantly, patting the space next to her. Lexa smiles wide, nodding eagerly.

“You’re the big spoon.” Clarke says sleepily, turning her backside towards Lexa’s front. Lexa nuzzles into Clarke, smelling the omega’s neck.

“I’m always the big spoon.” Lexa mumbles back dreamily. Clarke grunts in return. 

“Do I still have a chance, Clarke?” Lexa nervously asks after a few minutes of silence. Clarke doesn’t respond for a few minutes so Lexa sighs out in defeat, thinking the blonde has fallen asleep.

“I don’t know.” Clarke whispers back honestly. Lexa gulps. The alpha presses a shaky kiss to Clarke’s shoulder. 

“I’m not going to give up on you.” Lexa says firmly. “I’m going to show you I’m still the same girl you fell in love with.”

“We’ll see about that. Sleep tight Lexa.” Clarke says softly, overwhelmed by emotions. 

"You too Clarke."

They fall into a peaceful slumber a few minutes later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah that happened...


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa connect.

“Lexa..” Clarke mumbles in her sleep, cuddling closer to the alpha. Lexa wakes up slowly, her eyes opening to a naked Clarke in her arms. Clarke sighs out and clutches onto her alpha tightly. Lexa smiles softly, so happy that this isn’t all a dream.

“Lexa..” Clarke mumbles out again, her head tucked into Lexa’s shoulder and neck.

“I’m here baby.” Lexa gently says, even though she knows Clarke is just talking in her sleep. Lexa doesn’t want to leave this moment ever. Clarke starts to wake up and tenses slightly, confused where she is. 

“Oh..” Clarke says softly, remembering her skin on skin with Lexa’s. She had sex with her ex girlfriend. “Um hi…” Clarke chuckles.

“Hi beautiful.” Lexa says sweetly.

“This can’t happen again..” Clarke says weakly, moving a little so she can look in Lexa’s eyes. Lexa looks at her with pain and understanding.

“I..” Lexa starts to talk but Clarke puts her finger over her lip.

“Not until I figure out what this all means.” Clarke says quietly.

Lexa’s heart starts beating fast in her chest. So this means her and Clarke might have a chance again.

“I’ll wait for you, Clarke. I love you.” Lexa says emotionally. Clarke feels the tears springing from her eyes. It’s like a dam has broken. Being in Lexa’s arms again has broken down her walls.

Lexa cups Clarke’s face and kisses the tears off her cheeks. “I love you baby.”

“Lexa please..” Clarke says hoarsely.

“I only want you. Please, Clarke.” Lexa says truthfully. “Don’t cry, pretty girl.”

“Kiss me.” Clarke says quietly. Lexa immediately presses her lips to Clarke for an emotional sloppy kiss. “I really want to say it back.” Clarke says breathlessly after they break their kiss. Their faces are still so close that their breaths are mingling. 

Lexa caresses her cheek patiently.

“But I can’t.” Clarke says in broken sobs. “I’m scared.”

“You don’t have to say it back.” Lexa says lovingly. “I’m in no rush here love. And you have nothing to be afraid of.”

“You left me. You were struggling with your alpha but Lex...you left me. I don’t know how to trust you with my heart again, but it’s always been yours. No matter what I did to try and get over you, I couldn’t. I can’t.” Clarke says shakily.

“I’m so sorry.” Lexa says emotionally, crying herself. “I wasn’t myself. I..I have been struggling Clarke. I was not in control of myself and I didn’t want to hurt you. I love you more than anything and I was afraid. I didn’t think you should be around me. I was selfish. I should never have left you. I should have fought harder. I love you baby. I love you. I’m trying so hard. I’m in therapy for newly transitioned alphas. I’m still not okay. But I’m better. I’m trying.”

Clarke is quiet for a minute, searching Lexa’s eyes. 

“I’m not ready for this to be out in the open. I’m not ready to be in a relationship with you again.” Clarke takes a deep breathe. “But I can’t keep ignoring you either.”

“Where does that leave us?” Lexa asks quietly.

“I don’t know.” Clarke says quietly. “Maybe you can come over this weekend. My mom will be at a conference in Miami.”

“You want me to stay the weekend?” Lexa asks a little shocked but not at all upset by the prospect of spending the weekend with Clarke.

“I think it’ll be good to spend a whole weekend alone. Maybe we can start to repair this.” Clarke says truthfully. “I have to see if I can trust you again Lex. And I can’t exactly do that if I’m ignoring you or only in your presence when we are with friends.”

“This weekend it is then.” Lexa kisses her forehead longingly. “I better get going. I have homework and all that boring stuff to work on.” Lexa says regrettably. 

“I’ll see you soon.” Clarke says quietly. Lexa leans down and kisses Clarke hesitantly.

“Soon.” Lexa whispers before leaning down for one more kiss. Maybe her and Clarke will find their way back to each other sooner than she imagined.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa's weekend begins. Secrets are unveiled.

The next few days go by in a blur. Clarke and Lexa’s schedules are very different so they never run into each other. Lexa has been eagerly waiting for Friday night. Every day she sneakily leaves a flower in Clarke’s locker before school starts. She wants to show Clarke she still loves her. She wants to romance her. Clarke deserves it and Lexa intends on giving it to her.

It’s Friday night and Lexa knocks on Clarke’s door. Clarke opens the door and she’s wearing comfy sweats and a tank top. Her hair is in a messy bun and her face is free of makeup. Lexa loves seeing this version of Clarke. Clarke looks beautiful.

“Hi Lex.” Clarke breathes out with a soft smile.

“Hey..you look great.” Lexa says in awe and Clarke rolls her eyes and chuckles.

“You don’t have to flatter me Lexa. I’m literally wearing sweatpants.” Clarke says while leading Lexa into the TV room.

“That doesn’t mean you don’t look absolutely stunning.” Lexa says honestly. Clarke shakes her head and looks away to hide her blush.

“You’re a dork.” Clarke mumbles while walking into the kitchen. “I’m going to order us some food. Do you want your usual?” Clarke calls out.

“Yes please.” Lexa calls from the couch with a smile on her face. She was worried this was going to be awkward, but it’s not. It feels normal. It feels right.

+++

Clarke and Lexa have small talk for the next two hours. They eat greasy food and giggle over a bad comedy movie. With every few minutes, Lexa inches closer and closer to Clarke until her arm is wrapped around Clarke. Clarke nuzzles into the embrace. It’s nice to be back in her alpha’s arms.

They finish the movie and pop in another comedy, just enjoying each other's presence for the time being. Clarke’s eyes grow heavy and she falls asleep toward the end of the second movie. Lexa maneuvers them so that Clarke is sleeping comfortably against the alpha’s chest.

Lexa runs her hand through Clarke’s blonde tresses and watches her beautiful omega sleep peacefully on her. Lexa is surprised that the erratic beat of her own heart hasn’t woken up Clarke. Lexa is so ecstatic is have Clarke in her arms again. She hopes she will be able to make it up to the blonde. She hopes she isn’t too late.

+++

“Lex..” Clarke mumbles, waking up with a yawn. Lexa, half asleep herself, groans out.

“Hey..” Lexa yawns out and Clarke smiles slightly.

“So we should probably talk now.” Clarke says with another cute yawn. She makes some distance from Lexa and sits facing the alpha. Lexa crosses her legs like a pretzel, mirroring Clarke’s position, and waits patiently for the blonde to start talking.

“I can’t believe we are back here.” Clarke says in a sigh. “It’s so easy to just fall back into the way things were. The second I saw you at my doorstep a few days ago, I knew there was no way I could keep staying away from you..from us.” Clarke says shakily, not looking at Lexa.

“But that’s a good thing, right? It’s so easy for us to ‘us’ again.” Lexa says optimistically. 

“Lexa, that scares to me. What if you decide this isn’t what you want again?” Clarke says slowly, still not looking at Lexa.

“You’re all I want.” Lexa says with pure emotion, cupping Clarke’s face. Clarke looks up at her, her lip trembling. “Clarke, my love for you will never change and it never has. Even during our breakup, I only thought of you. Everyday I would imagine being with you again.”

“I don’t understand why you did this to us.” Clarke says, with a hint of bitterness in our voice.

“I thought I was protecting you, but really all I was doing was hurting you.” Lexa says sadly. “Clarke, my alpha is unstable. The anger inside me is so hard to control. Looking back to the start of the summer, I was one freak out away from killing someone. Clarke, I wanted to rip Pike to shreds when he said those things to you. My alpha wanted to beat him to death for what he said to you, my omega. I…” Lexa exhales, feeling that familiar anger building up in her again. Her eyes have turned to its wolf shade. She closes her eyes and starts to count just as her therapist taught her.

“Lex..breathe…” Clarke says softly, placing her hand over Lexa’s. Lexa breathes shakily, her eyes returning to her normal color.

“It’s still really hard for me to control it, Clarke. I knew that I would never hurt you..intentionally. But that night when I beat the shit out of Pike, I hurt you.” Lexa says emotionally.

“It’s not your fault. You didn’t mean to.” Clarke says while cupping Lexa’s cheeks.

“It doesn’t matter, you had fucking bruises! Because of me! Because my alpha was out of control!” Lexa says, tears starting to stain her face. “After that night, I knew I needed to distance myself from you. When I got home the next morning, I vomited. I felt so sick over what I did to you. I was terrified of what I was becoming.” 

“Lexa, listen to me. There have only been a few alphas documented in modern medicine who have transitioned at your age. I understood...no I understand. You’re going through a traumatic transition right now. You didn’t mean to hurt me baby. Your alpha just needed to be close to me. You didn’t realize your strength.”

“It’s no excuse..” Lexa mumbles and sniffles.

“Maybe not.. But you’re in better control of your alpha now.” Clarke says while caressing Lexa’s face and wiping her tears away.

“I’ve been working so hard to be better. I want to be an alpha you can be proud of.” Lexa mumbles. “I love you Clarke. I know I keep fucking up, but I fucking love you.” Lexa cups Clarke’s cheeks and pulls their foreheads together. Clarke wraps her arms around Lexa’s neck.

“You don’t have to say it back yet, just please...give me a chance to make this right. Please, don’t tell me it’s too late.” Lexa says desperately.

“Lex…” Clarke says softly. “I...it’s not too late.” 

Lexa chokes back a sob and presses her lips to Clarke’s. Clarke kisses back softly and Lexa whimpers. Their kisses start to grow heated. Lexa encourages Clarke to lay back and climbs on top of the omega. Clarke pulls Lexa’s body close to hers.

“God, I’ve missed this.” Lexa groans out, while her hand moves under Clarke’s clothes and to one of her generous breasts. Clarke tilts her neck and Lexa sucks and nibbles at her skin.

“Me too...so much.” Clarke pants out, enjoying the sensation of Lexa’s lips cooling her overheated skin.

The blonde locks her legs around Lexa’s ass as the alpha starts grinding her bulge into Clarke. Clarke moans softly, feeling desperate for more touch. Lexa takes off her top and kisses down Clarke’s chest to her tummy. She licks and sucks and presses soft kisses to Clarke’s pale soft skin. She’s missed being this intimate with Clarke.

Lexa looks up at Clarke once she reaches the waistband of Clarke’s sweats. Clarke nods slightly while pumping out aroused pheromones. Lexa gets back to work, taking Clarke underwear and sweats off in one fluid motion. She kisses the top of Clarke mound and then kisses the soft skin she finds of Clarke’s upper thigh. She kisses everywhere but where Clarke desperately needs her most.

Clarke is so wet. She’s grinding at air at this point. She’s forgotten how well Lexa can build her up while barely touching her. “Lexa..” Clarke whines. Lexa gets the message and dives in, licking in up and down motions.

Clarke moans loud as Lexa begins to suck on her clit lightly. “Mm babe..” Clarke breathes out, her fingers tangling in Lexa’s hair to encourage her motion.

Lexa pushes two fingers in and out Clarke’s entrance and soon enough can feel Clarke’s walls fluttering.

“Oh god..” Clarke moans. “Oh god oh god!” Clarke moans and her back arches. Her body trembles and she’s quivering as she rides out her explosive orgasm. Lexa moans as she tastes Clarke again. The vibration of Lexa’s moans feels so good for Clarke.

Clarke’s breathing starts to go back to normal as Lexa kisses up her stomach and breasts back to her kiss swollen lips. Lexa pecks her on the lips cutely a couple times as Clarke regains her senses.

Clarke starts to kiss back feverishly once she comes down from her orgasm high. The blonde takes off Lexa’s shirt and soon her pants and underwear are shed as well.

“Clarke..fuck…” Lexa moans as she shamelessly rubs herself against the blonde. Clarke pants out, gripping onto Lexa’s back. 

“Wait let me grab a condom.” Lexa says breathlessly, reaching down into her pants to grab her wallet and retrieve a condom. Clarke sits up slightly and helps Lexa place the condom on her hard dick. Once that’s done, Clarke lays back down and Lexa hovers over her and kisses the omega soundly. _My omega._

Lexa pushes in and Clarke moans slightly. Lexa grunts as she starts a slow pace. Her alpha is banging to break free and rut into Clarke, but thanks to Lexa’s new therapy, she has learned many helpful techniques to keep her alpha at bay. She wants this to be perfect.

“Fuck I love you.” Lexa grunts out, her forehead pressed to Clarke’s shoulder. Clarke wraps her legs around her again and Lexa eagerly pushes in deeper and deeper. 

“Lex..oh god Lex…” Clarke pants out. Lexa sneaks her hand in between their sweaty bodies and starts rubbing Clarke’s clit. The blonde whimpers in delight and starts to come. Lexa is not far off, feeling herself release her load into the condom. Lexa collapses against the blonde and lays, lazily kissing Clarke. 

“Whoa..” Clarke mumbles against Lexa’s lips. “That was really good.” Clarke dumbly smiles and Lexa’s eyes are bright and wide with happiness.

“I love to make you feel good.” Lexa murmurs, barely kissing her because of the smile on her face.

Lexa kisses Clarke once more before she throws on her sports bra and boxers and goes to the bathroom. When she comes back, Clarke is snuggled up in her sweats and Lexa’s shirt. Lexa smiles at Clarke wearing her shirt once again. The alpha lays on the omega, snuggling into her breasts.

“You did always like to use my boobs as pillows. I see some things haven’t changed.” Clarke chuckles as she softly runs her fingers through Lexa’s hair.

“Mm this will never change.” Lexa mumbles contentedly. Clarke chuckles and sighs happily. This feels right. It feels perfect. Lexa looks up at Clarke with a toothy wide grin.

“I can’t stop smiling. I haven’t been able to stop smiling since last week when we made love again.” Lexa says before kissing Clarke’s chest.

“That was quite unexpected.” Clarke says with a soft smile.

“Yeah..I didn’t have that intention when I came over to see you. Not that I’m complaining.” Lexa smirks playfully and Clarke laughs. “Being close to you like that again...it’s everything to me Clarke. I will never feel this close with anyone. I never will want anyone else like this.” Lexa hand goes under her shirt and strokes Clarke’s naked tummy softly.

“I...me too.” Clarke says, her eyes sad.

“Did I say something wrong?” Lexa asks, a little worried. She sits up a little and cups Clarke’s cheeks.

“No..” Clarke croaks out but Lexa can tell something is on her mind.

“Tell me what’s wrong.” Lexa says softly, caressing Clarke’s face.

“I need to be honest with you..about something.” Clarke speaks quietly. Lexa tenses and sits up. Clarke does so as well. Lexa doesn’t like where this is going.

“What is it?” Lexa says sadly, bracing herself.

“I was angry before...when I was in Greece.” Clarke says shakily. Lexa immediately feels a wave of jealousy consume her. This is about her, that other alpha.

“This is about Raven isn’t it?” Lexa says through clenched teeth. Clarke nods and looks away. Lexa can’t help the growl that escapes her lips. Clarke looks at her sadly.

“I don’t want to throw this in your face, Lexa. But we need to get everything out in the open.” Clarke says quietly.

“I know you hooked up with her. I wasn’t sure how far it went though.” Lexa’s voice is sad and low. She really doesn’t want to hear this, but she knows she has to. “You um..your first heat happened this summer...did you…” Lexa stutters along with her sentence. 

“Lex…” Clarke says pained, looking away and sitting up straighter. “You don’t understand..”

Lexa growls loud. Her alpha is going wild. She can’t take this. She can’t do this. If Raven knotted Clarke, she won’t be able to control her alpha. This is too much. Lexa can’t stop picturing it. Her eyes turn to red and her fangs are bared. Lexa grabs at her head to try and calm herself down. Her body feels like it’s on fire.

“I need to know what happened.” Lexa growls out.

“Lexa...Lexa, calm down.” Clarke says calmly, trying to help Lexa control her alpha. She tilts her head in submission. “No matter what happened with Raven, I don’t want her. Never again. I only want you, okay?” Clarke says softly.

Lexa shuts her eyes and tries to calm down her breathing. She thinks of every technique her therapist’s taught her. Lexa gets her fangs to retract but her eyes are still red.

“I’m..fuck I’m okay. I just got overwhelmed.” Lexa says through clenched teeth, still fighting her alpha back.

“Maybe I shouldn’t have brought this up right now. We can talk about this another time.” Clarke says softly.

“No! I don’t want to spend days and nights thinking about this. We need to talk about this now. Please, I promise I’m okay.” Lexa says and shuts her eyes tight until her eyes return to their normal color. “See? I’m okay.”

Clarke nods and looks down. “I hooked up with Raven once before my heat happened. We had sex.” Clarke says guiltily and quietly. Lexa tries to growl but a desperate whimper comes out instead. She can feel tears welling up in her eyes.

“Oh..” Lexa replies simply, her eyes lost and sad.

“I was so mad at you for breaking up with me. I thought you didn’t care. I felt used and thrown away so I desperately tried to move on from you. It didn’t work though. I felt like I was cheating on you. I felt so much guilt after it happened. So me and Raven didn’t do that again...until my heat.” Clarke says sadly. Lexa wipes her tears away, staring at her and Clarke’s hands which are gripping onto each other for dear life.

“She helped me through my heat. After my heat, we didn’t have sex again. It was an ill conceived attempt to get over you...and deep down, I think I also wanted to hurt you for hurting me.” Clarke starts to cry. Lexa wipes her tears away.

“Did she..” Lexa’s voice cracks. She doesn’t want to imagine her Clarke with anyone else. By the look of understanding that washes over Clarke’s face, the omega knows exactly what Lexa is trying to ask.

“No, she didn’t knot me. I told her not to. I just..I couldn’t do it.” Clarke mumbles quietly.

Lexa swallows deeply and looks away, never removing her hands from Clarke.

“Okay..” Lexa releases a shaky breath. She feels like her heart is being cut out. “I need some time to move on from this. This is hard to hear.”

“I’m so sorry, Lexa.” Clarke says softly, hiccuping while crying. Lexa leans in close and trembles as she presses her lips to Clarke’s forehead.

“You didn’t do anything wrong. I just..it hurts to hear about you with someone else.” Lexa says quietly. “I can’t be around Raven for a while...my alpha will be out of control. Just thinking about her hands, touching you and…” Lexa grinds her jaw and growls quietly. 

“I completely understand.” Clarke says gently. “Where does this leave us?”

“It doesn’t change anything for me. I love you. I will wait for you to be ready to fully be with me again.” Lexa says softly. Lexa kisses her with sheer emotion and Clarke kisses back. Lexa pours her heart into these kisses. She may be hurt that Clarke slept with someone else but she loves her. Nothing matters to her but Clarke. And they will get past this just like they will get past all other struggles thrown at them. They are meant to be and Lexa would be damned if anything got in their way of being together again.

**Author's Note:**

> I have a habit of starting lots of fics at once. Sound off in the comments about this fic and my others. Which one do you want to see an update for next?


End file.
